Strength for Your Husband

There are lots of shake ups in marriages these days due to the impact of the economy. Money they say answers all things but when it becomes short in supply, a lot of things are left unattended to, needs unmet, families are placed on tight budgets and even compelled to cut down on some necessities.

There are incessant arguments over funds, tensed atmosphere, and lack of interest for intimacy between couples. Family quality time is taken over by analysis of national issues and the frustrations in the system. The situation is further aggravated with news and headlines which carry nothing short of bitter stories of how there can never be an end to the miseries of man.

The worst hit in situations like these are the men as a man's sense of worth and fulfillment is somehow connected to his achievements (though this isn't totally true) and this includes his ability to provide for his family. When he finds himself failing in this area, he starts to loose his sense of responsibility as he feels his position as the head threatened and his ego daunted. In fighting to keep his ego intact, he becomes irritable, harsh, edgy, temperamental, frustrated, bitter and most times it is the wife who gets the bulk of his vent.

As wives, it is common of us to want to react in anger to our husbands annoying attitudes but our call as "help meet" of their destinies leaves quite a number of responsibilities on us beyond financial and material support.
We are also called to encourage them. Men are not prone to display of emotions like we do, they always want to show they have everything under control even when they're almost turn apart but we can help them through such periods by not rubbing it in when they become moody or try to make them to talk, they aren't verbal. I used to feel hurt and often took it personal whenever I knew my hubby was having issues but would not discuss it with me until I learned over the years that most men need their space at such times and not the clinging-on and petting we want to give them.

It is also not a time to push them off with complains and instructions, we're prone to instruct especially when we've analyzed the situation (and we're very good at that) and think we have the best idea or solution to the problem. Attempting to push our opinion could become a nag when we over do it. Picking on his weaknesses and failures too isn't the best way to encourage him. Though your intentions could be good but your method can make the situation worse by further confirming his feelings of inadequacy.

How then can we encourage our husbands in this trying moments?

1. Affirm the evidence of grace in his life. He's been the best of husband to you and father to your kids, bless him for this. He may not be meeting up to his responsibilities as expected but you've got to make him feel like the king he has always been. Encourage him with positive words, appreciate his effort and help affirm his position as the head. Verbally appreciate even the small show of affection. Constantly help build his faith through God's past faithfulness in his life and family.

2. Pray for him. You need to pray earnestly for your husband. Prayer is one powerful tool God has given every woman to bring down His power into any situation we find contrary to His will. Pray for every aspect of his life, his finance, decisions, self-image, his walk with God and for his role as husband and father. Praying for him also helps you overcome the feelings of hurt brought about by his inconsiderate and uncaring attitude. Its a battle that must be fought and won on the knees, you must be deliberate about not allowing any invisible wall between the two of you no matter the situation of things. Whether there's an economic downturn or not, you have been mandated by God to be fruitful, multiply and subdue the earth. Its your place to subdue everything that wants to stand against this word in his life. You also need to realise that the devil has always been after families, hence you should not be ignorant of his devices. Your husbands outburst is not just an attack on your person but an indirect attack on your marriage by the enemy. Therefore, its no time to take things personal and attack his person but time to take the battle to the enemies camp. Tell yourself you would not allow your husband to be wearied or pull down. Lay at Jesus' feet whatever it is that is trying to beat your man down and victory will be sure for him.

3. Give him plenty of sex or better put make love to him. You can encourage him with sex. Sex is one thing that makes men fulfilled and encouraged. It relieves them of stress and acts as a booster to their masculinity. You can keep your man encouraged and feeling on top of his game as he goes out to face the challenges of the day with a good dose of sex in the morning. The economy may have beaten him, things may not work out as expected but making love to him assures him there's still an area of his life he is still in control of.

Our ministry is first to our husbands, so no matter what we aspire for in life, we must ensure they stay strengthened and motivated. It is not always easy knowing we need encouragement and prayer ourselves but God's word assures us that "He that waters shall also be watered"........Your marriage shall succeed.

You Can Be Young And Different

Young ones, daily the pressure mounts from enticements and influences from friends, colleagues, the media, the web, and the world at large. You find yourself fighting with the impulse to succumb just because you don't want to be labeled. You must know that you were not called to blend with the crowd but to stand out in the crowd. Until you become different you can't make a difference. The urge to compromise and live the life you so desire may be so strong upon you but you can resolve to stand by what you believe and uphold the banner of morality.

The world says you are vulnerable, you accept it, the devil calls you weak and you agree but I ask, are you really weak and vulnerable, are you really without a say when it comes to the choices open to you in life? As long as you believe you're weak, you will never develop the strength to overcome temptations. Joseph was a youth when he refused the advances from Portiphar's wife, Daniel too was a youth when he refused to defile himself with the portion of the king's meat. The temptations that lure men can be grouped into the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life, these two guys overcame them all, and there are yet many in our time who are also overcoming by the Spirit of God. You may be young but you can also live a victorious life, you can stand your ground and hold your head when others are loosing theirs.

You can live above the decadence and perversity in the world around you. You can be an example of a true believer in words, action, appearance, attitude and association. Through your life style you can begin to point others in your school, church and society to the truth. Don't be tricked by the devil into believing all hope is lost for the younger generation. Through this deception, he keeps young ones bound by the spirit of this age, never wanting to be free. He tells you the government don't care about you as evident in their policies; he says to you, educational institutions too are only after the money they make from your parents so what you turn out to be in life is none of their concern; he makes you believe the church has been taken over by the world and convinces you your parents are the most guilty as they are so consumed by the desire to be materially and financially successful that you don't come near their top most priorities. He sows these seeds inside you to make you tag along the world's system believing you can't beat it.


The truth is, there's a shift in the spirit realm and God is raising an army who will establish His kingdom goals here on earth, you can be one of them, all you need do is plug into the grace available for as many as would stand different and not be swayed by the world's mockery because the world and even people you look up to will mock at you but you must hold your head up high and refuse to be intimidated. Let the consciousness of who you are build confidence in you and refuse to bow to life's pressure.

You have a choice each time you are confronted with temptation, but how well you know yourself and what you want in life will determine your choice. For every choice you make, there are consequences whether good or bad and you must know its your responsibility to take, not your parent's, teachers', pastor's, guardian's, not anybody's but yours.

Let no one despise your youth, refuse to be taken advantage of, but be a perfect example of a youth with a vision who is purpose driven and dares to be different in this dark and perverse world. Grace and power is available, as you stand out, God's light will shine on you and through you to your world.

The Foolish Woman

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Prov.14:1

We have dealt extensively on the subject of wisdom for building the home even though this wisdom is not limited to the points given because God's fountain of wisdom never runs dry. You can ask God to make you a carrier of His uncommon wisdom so that through you He can expound His truth regarding marriage and together we shall rescue the family from the shackles of the enemy in Jesus Name.

Someone might ask, how does the foolish woman pull down her home? Let's examine some of the ways of the foolish woman:

1. Nagging and complaining
2. Despising God's instruction on her duties as a wife and mother
3. Not submitting to her husband and lack of respect for him
4. Trying to play the role of the head
5. Neglecting the children and not paying attention to their development
6. Allowing work, business and personal goals and visions take first place in her heart
7. Inability to share affection between her kids and hubby
8. Allowing pressure from her responsibilities eat into her emotional bank and thereby affecting her love life
9. Peer pressure, negative influences from friends and the media. .
10. Despising wise counsel
11. Being unproductive as a result of laziness
12. Allowing unnecessary interference from 3rd parties
13. Allowing negative thoughts dominate her mind which eventually manifest in her actions
14. Not meeting the needs of her husband
15. Hiding behind religious worship to deny her husband his desires
16. Lack of contentment and covetousness
17. Accepting satan's lies concerning her home

I know you are not among the foolish because you have chosen to act wisely. If you're weak in any area submit to God's ability and let His grace strengthen you to overcome your weaknesses. Be wise!
Wisdom Confession:

I am a woman of wisdom. As I rise up daily, wisdom rises in me, I collide with understanding and knowledge increases in me. Each step and in every action I take Your wisdom will be manifested because I now possess the required level of intelligence to live each day and excel in my role as a wife and a mother.

Woman, Be Wise And Build Your Home (Part 3)

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Prov.14:1.

As we conclude on this article, the Lord will open your mind and enrich it with His wisdom and make you a home builder.

• Recognising that true love is rooted in God.

God is love, therefore He is important to your love relationship because He is a wonderful example of love, His love is unconditional and He desires that this same love exist between us even as couples. I Cor 13: 4-8 gives us a good description of the God kind of love. As you fan the flame of your romantic love, you also need to grow in God's love. This can be realised by living in gratitude of His awesome  power and grace over your life. Loving God this way helps you strive to develop the values necessary to sustain the love between you and your spouse. The love rooted in God helps you live above hurt and makes it easier for couples to forgive. It never fades with time or diminishes with age. It is the only love that binds you together when every other attributes fail.

• Fulfilling your husbands desires.

A wise woman gauges her husband’s needs and seeks to fulfill his every desire. Men want sex, sex and more sex and satisfying this need is a key factor to a happy home. The understanding that both sexes are wired differently would help to prevent a lot of sex issues in marriages. Men and women are different not better or worse. Sex for the man is the reality check for his passion while for the woman it is love. You may be comfortable with just hearing your husband whisper sweet nothings into your ear but for him he gets his assurance of your love from the act. If you feel used by your husband, discuss it with him let him realise you also have needs when it comes to sexual satisfaction so you can both derive maximum pleasure from your sexual relationship. Most times, its not deliberate on his part he is under tension to ease the pressure from his testosterone. Men don't always want sex for the fun of it, sometimes they use it as a substitute for something else such as attention, companionship, to relief physical stress, to ease pain, loneliness and depression. You need to understand your man and be able to see through him to know when he needs your support and encouragement other than just sex. Also, in satisfying your husband's sexual desires, you need to know his sensitive spots, men too have their own sensitive spots. Know the moves that make him go crazy in bed and be creative, you can never be more righteous than God who created sex, so be ready to explore every activity and style that brings out the best in your man.

• Learning to meet his basic needs

You can become the best thing to happen in the life of your man when your learn to meet his basic needs. These are:

»Companionship

Be your husband's best friend. Spend time with him. Discover his areas of interest and fit them into yours. Discuss things he is passionate about with him, show interest in his hobbies and gradually make him interested in yours too.

»Admiration and Respect.

Make your man your hero. Help him maintain his confidence by reminding him of his capabilities. Value and appreciate his achievements, be proud of him and respect him at all times. Don't look for that perfect man in him, or compare him with your father. He is unique in his own way, recognise what makes him thick and build on that.

»Sexual fulfillment.

Become your husband's best sexual partner. Never leave him daydreaming outside the home. Put him in the mood even before he gets home through some romantic text or bb messages, let him always look forward to an enjoyable moment of love making with you.

»Attraction in his wife.

Every man wants a wife he can be proud of in public so keep yourself attractive. Remain fit and wear what makes him happy with you. Within the house you can put on things that make him go wild, falling in love with you all over again. You also need to possess inner beauty and let the image of Christ reflect through you.

8. Be hard working. Don't be lazy. Be in charge and be the decision maker when it comes to your own position as the woman of the house, don't leave sensitive decisions to the maid. Be involved in your kids' development and academics, ask questions about school and their home work. Support and encourage your husband no matter how little. Let him see the effort you're putting in. There's nothing wrong in you paying the rent, school fees and other roles believed to be your husband's when he is going through challenges, that is why God called you a help meet.

• Let your wisdom reflect in your children.

Depend on God to help you raise godly children who would make you proud. Never compromise the standard out of love and pity. As a matter of fact true love should make you do all that would ensure they turn out great in life including applying the rod when necessary. Teach them about Christ early in life. When we teach them to trust and depend on God it makes our work easier especially when we're not with then, the truth is we can't always be with them. The spirit and the wisdom of God takes position in their life early to guide their every step and decision as they are going to be exposed to divers influences and temptations. Sow godly seed in your children be the right influence over them. Don't teach them to lie, don't involve them in your fight with neighbours. Encourage them to love and share. Prepare their tender heart to receive instructions from God's so they can lead peaceful life tomorrow. (All our children shall be taught by the Lord and great shall be the peace of our children. Isa 54:13). Don't give up when you don't see the result of your effort as it seems the more you try the rebellious they become, keep sowing the good seed your harvest is near.

We are not ignorant of the devices of the enemy, there are instances where women have done all within their power to build successful homes but the devil still tries to rob them of their peace, God is the ultimate builder so depend on God and your home can experience joy and peace. Your home can become that beautiful haven you fantasize about when you begin to seek wisdom and hold it in high esteem.

You may have missed it here or there, or even started on the wrong footing, you're not alone in it, I missed it severally, I thought I knew so much before marriage until I got inside but today God is helping me.

Building the home is a journey and as challenging as it is, it is also enriching. As you build your home, the Lord will build your life and grant you precious reward for your effort in Jesus name.

Woman, Be Wise And Build Your Home (Part 2)

Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." Prov24:3-4

The home is a priority to God and the role of the woman in the home is of immense importance. Any woman who desires to follow God's pattern for a successful home must turn to the divinely inspired word of God which is her anchor against the manipulations of the enemy and worldly influences.

In continuing with the wisdom keys for building the home we shall consider the following points:

• Recognizing God as the Master Builder and submitting to Him through His Word.
  

"Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it." - Ps 127:1. The marriage is a divine institution from God and it is His will that our homes be successful. Therefore, He has provided us instruction and guidance which if followed would inevitably bring us success and happiness. Trust God for the best in your home and stay with His word, it answers to every situation. Make it your standard, weigh every action and counsel with the word. Declare God's promises over your family till it becomes your reality.

•   Work on yourself. Build on your character
  

You may be  self-centered, emotionally stingy, judgmental, highly critical, and obnoxious and get away with it as a single but when you become married its not just about you and your feelings any longer as whatever you do impacts on both your partner and the future of your union. Sometimes these character traits stem from an inner feeling of insecurity and a low self-esteem so you need to commit to self improvement. Learn to like and accept yourself the way you are and keep doing the things that would help you love yourself more. The following tips will also help you become better:

• Consciously commit yourself to personal growth

• Identify your negative characters and work on them. Some of the negative traits I didn't like about myself in the past were anger, harshness and stubbornness, and these impacted my marriage negatively, today I can't say I am perfect because there's still a lot of work to be done but I'm happy with whom I have become. Its a continuous process, you can never overcome all the negative traits in one sweep, but you can achieve a lot when you take it one step at a time. Look for scriptures that deal with your negative traits and confess them over and over again, IT WORKS.

• Discover purpose. Purpose brings fulfillment as it takes you into a journey of self discovery.

• Be flexible, be open to change and be open to accepting the differences in other people

• Learn something new

• Decide to become a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend, a better neighbour and a better colleague

• Develop confidence

•   Submitting to your husband
  

I touched on this subject under the point, 'Submitting to the Holy Spirit', we shall consider another dimension to submission under this point.

The bible says submitting to your husband means trusting God 1Pet 3:4-5. Sometimes we women have the fear that our husbands will stand in the way of our fulfilling God's purpose for our lives, but the secret to enjoying your husbands complete support and encouragement in pursuing your own vision is through submission. In submitting to him God sees your total trust in Him, He also sees your humility and exalts you according to the scripture. So if you need God to promote you and what you're doing, begin to submit to your husband in sincere humility and you will enjoy heaven's advertisement. If you sense your husband isn't in full support of your vision, don't be forceful about it, don't allow the devil lead you into sinning against God because you want to fulfill His call upon your life. The vision is for an appointed time, so if you're not getting his backing now, then it means its not yet time for the vision to speak. Give it time, love your husband more, pray more and occasionally remind him of God's leading upon your spirit, and at the appointed time, every heart will submit to the will of God.

• Maintaining a lively spirit
  

Be happy (cheerful) all the time even when you don't have any reason to be as the mood of the mother influences every other mood in the house. When a woman is stable the family will be stable. Surround your home with love and warmth. Let people come into your home and not want to leave, not because there's plenty to eat and drink but because they feel a sense of spiritual and emotional healing around you and your household. When you're enriched your husband and children too will be enriched. You cannot give what you don't have so you first need to fill your heart with love, mercy, and compassion; pray and confess it into your life and with time it becomes a spring that flows effortlessly from you to others.

Woman, Be Wise And Build Your Home

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Prov.14:1.

"Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." Prov24:3-4

As a woman, you are called to be a home builder, it is a responsibility given to you by God and His wisdom is available to help you when you submit to Him. The word of God is also available to illuminate your mind and home revealing truths and exposing every lie of the enemy that has worked against your bond so your home can be restored to God's divine purpose.

Thus building a successful home is not just wished for but requires effort on your part. You need to constantly read and apply the knowledge, follow the bible which is the manual for a successful home, and learn from people. You must desire a successful home and be deliberate about it. The devil hates homes that are settled because he knows when the family unit is strong, then the society is already on its path to transformation. Build your home, give it what it takes, learn from your mistakes and become better through your experiences.

Wisdom Keys for Home Building:

1. Understanding the sensitivity of your role as a woman in the home.

Your role in the marriage is quite enormous, you influence your husband and also satisfy his desires, you manage resources in the house, you provide spiritual covering over all the members of the family, you care for the kids, and you're responsible for the mood in the house. You can achieve success in all of these roles, if you cultivate the habit of praying at all times. Prayer renews your strength as it ushers you into God's presence for fresh grace and as a woman your need for fresh grace daily can never be overemphasized. Even when you get overwhelmed by these responsibilities you can never be cast down because He is standing by to uphold you. Be spiritually sensitive, see it as a call to duty to pray for your kids and every area of your spouse' life, his faith, finances, work/business/ministry, relationships, love life, and his personality. Through prayer you take control over the spiritual atmosphere around your family and home and since every occurrence in our lives is first birth in the spirit realm, you can begin to decree what you want in your home and around your family.

2. Submitting to the Holy Spirit.

We struggle with a lot of things because we try to do it on our own. On your own, you can do nothing, but through the Holy Spirit, Christ strengthens you to do all things. Even Paul confessed that "for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find." As women we often struggle with the subject of submission (I was No.1 on the list) but the role of the Holy Spirit is to help you understand that submitting to your husband is not a function of his social status or financial performance but a function of his position. He gives you the grace to willingly defer the satisfaction derived from having your way to fulfilling your spouse' ideas or plans. Based on your understanding of God's will, you're able to reverence him, giving him all the respect he needs, this way you lead a happy and a peaceful home.

3. Let your words be seasoned and edifying to the hearers.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Bless your husband, children and household. Let positive words be on your lips all the time. The world is full of so much discouragements because of unfulfilled dreams and un met needs so be the strength to your husband; after receiving so many knocks out there from his boss, or having to put up with difficult customers and clients let him always look forward to coming home to the warmth of your embrace and the sweetness of your smile where he finds healing from the day's pain and sees light and hope through you. Make him your hero and keep encouraging him from time to time. Make him feel appreciated and let him know you and the kids are proud of him. Sometimes ask the kids to just appreciate their dad and bless him, it gives him a sense of fulfilment and further fuels his esteem.

(To be continued)